Major Statement of December 19, 2004
Bianca returned to Brazil in mid to late
July. I am now 90% sure of it. I have been slowly moving toward this
conclusion, on and off, since an in-person meeting with Eddie Paiva
Senior a few days before Thanksgiving. The overriding reason for her
return was increasing homesickness brought about by five years of no
physical contact with her family. She severed her ties to the club,
including me and her fellow dancers, to eliminate any connection to
Americans who knew she had lived here under an expired visa, sparing
the club or any of us of harm or embarrassment because of it. She also
knew that any lingering contact with an activity and with people she
truly loved would make an already painful decision all the more
difficult and conflicted. She had to concentrate as much as possible on
building a new life back home.
There was no romantic rejection of me involved. I was projecting too much of my past into the situation. In fact, all evidence, witnessed both by myself and others such as Michelle, indicates that Bianca was absolutely infatuated with me and continued to be. It was an infatuation that began with the first sentence I spoke to her. But on June 28th or 29th, a significant phone conversation with her family most likely took place. After that call, it became evident to her that the conditions under which she was living here could not continue much longer. Furthermore, if she decided to return home, she realized she may never see any of us again. That would explain why she tried to curb my expectations of a romantic future with her on the night of June 29th, which she did in the sweetest, most affectionate way a woman could. When it became obvious from my behavior on July 3rd just how deeply I had fallen in love with her and how difficult a time I had accepting those reduced expectations, she felt she could no longer continue at the club beyond that night for fear she would change her mind.
Two events played a key role in arriving at this new conclusion. The first was Michelle's comments at the club Christmas party about me and Bianca. The second was two long discussions with Robin, while she was working on the illustration of Bianca, in which we talked a lot about family and culture and what a woman will do in dire circumstances. Robin has been "in the loop" on this situation since late August and has also recently come to the conclusion that Bianca returned to Brazil. These discussions were surrounded by a great deal of thought and a lot of tears on my part - including tears of recognition of just how much Bianca is loved by everyone and how wonderful my memories of her are. It should be noted that all other clues I have gathered, from the conversations with her during her final week at the club, to discovering her car in Brighton on July 9th but never seeing it after that, to the disconnected cell phone number, to the futile search for her at other clubs - all of it is consistent with a departure of Bianca from the United States during the later half of July.
For over five months, there were two obstacles that prevented me from clearly seeing what actually happened: my excessive self blame for her leaving the club plus a lack of understanding, from my American perspective, of what it is like to come from a truly nurturing and supportive family culture. For far too many Americans, family life is an empty, dysfunctional hell of aimless dog-eat-dog materialism, mindless "entertainment," the "stiff upper lip" type of advice, criticism, bickering, nagging, and ultimately despair. American culture is the most deficient of any on earth in what I call "the language of love," especially within families. And yet, Americans are drawn back to their families again and again because family IS family.
Cultural differences, however, are a two way street. Bianca's one big miscalculation is that she greatly underestimated the intensity of love she inspired in every American who knew her - especially me - and the broken hearts she would leave behind. Indeed, for us Americans, to know Bianca was to love her. I'm sure she never anticipated a mission and a website like this and the support it has received. Through her unabashed warmth, affection, beauty, and sensuality we Americans recognized something our hearts crave but never tasted - something our dysfunctional, mindlessly materialistic, and endlessly antagonistic family experiences denied us long ago.
Although this new conclusion is a major paradigm shift in my thinking, it does surprising little to change the method and direction of this mission. We must keep picking away and picking away at the leads and information we have until at last, we make the breakthrough we have sought for so long. The only change is that it gives us yet another avenue to pursue should we need it: finding Bianca's real name and checking the passenger lists of all airline flights from Boston to Rio de Janeiro during the mid to latter part of July (which is public information). Furthermore, if Bianca's ex-boyfriend and his mother are aware of this mission, but refuse to make themselves known, we must finally earn their trust.
This mission will not end until we find Bianca, she reads this website and my immigration proposal, and I ask her to become my wife. It will not end until I have directly offered to devote my life to her happiness and restore her ability to travel back and forth between the two countries as she pleases. It will not end until I insure that she never, EVER has to make such a terribly heart-wrenching, all-or-nothing decision like this again.
Jeff
There was no romantic rejection of me involved. I was projecting too much of my past into the situation. In fact, all evidence, witnessed both by myself and others such as Michelle, indicates that Bianca was absolutely infatuated with me and continued to be. It was an infatuation that began with the first sentence I spoke to her. But on June 28th or 29th, a significant phone conversation with her family most likely took place. After that call, it became evident to her that the conditions under which she was living here could not continue much longer. Furthermore, if she decided to return home, she realized she may never see any of us again. That would explain why she tried to curb my expectations of a romantic future with her on the night of June 29th, which she did in the sweetest, most affectionate way a woman could. When it became obvious from my behavior on July 3rd just how deeply I had fallen in love with her and how difficult a time I had accepting those reduced expectations, she felt she could no longer continue at the club beyond that night for fear she would change her mind.
Two events played a key role in arriving at this new conclusion. The first was Michelle's comments at the club Christmas party about me and Bianca. The second was two long discussions with Robin, while she was working on the illustration of Bianca, in which we talked a lot about family and culture and what a woman will do in dire circumstances. Robin has been "in the loop" on this situation since late August and has also recently come to the conclusion that Bianca returned to Brazil. These discussions were surrounded by a great deal of thought and a lot of tears on my part - including tears of recognition of just how much Bianca is loved by everyone and how wonderful my memories of her are. It should be noted that all other clues I have gathered, from the conversations with her during her final week at the club, to discovering her car in Brighton on July 9th but never seeing it after that, to the disconnected cell phone number, to the futile search for her at other clubs - all of it is consistent with a departure of Bianca from the United States during the later half of July.
For over five months, there were two obstacles that prevented me from clearly seeing what actually happened: my excessive self blame for her leaving the club plus a lack of understanding, from my American perspective, of what it is like to come from a truly nurturing and supportive family culture. For far too many Americans, family life is an empty, dysfunctional hell of aimless dog-eat-dog materialism, mindless "entertainment," the "stiff upper lip" type of advice, criticism, bickering, nagging, and ultimately despair. American culture is the most deficient of any on earth in what I call "the language of love," especially within families. And yet, Americans are drawn back to their families again and again because family IS family.
Cultural differences, however, are a two way street. Bianca's one big miscalculation is that she greatly underestimated the intensity of love she inspired in every American who knew her - especially me - and the broken hearts she would leave behind. Indeed, for us Americans, to know Bianca was to love her. I'm sure she never anticipated a mission and a website like this and the support it has received. Through her unabashed warmth, affection, beauty, and sensuality we Americans recognized something our hearts crave but never tasted - something our dysfunctional, mindlessly materialistic, and endlessly antagonistic family experiences denied us long ago.
Although this new conclusion is a major paradigm shift in my thinking, it does surprising little to change the method and direction of this mission. We must keep picking away and picking away at the leads and information we have until at last, we make the breakthrough we have sought for so long. The only change is that it gives us yet another avenue to pursue should we need it: finding Bianca's real name and checking the passenger lists of all airline flights from Boston to Rio de Janeiro during the mid to latter part of July (which is public information). Furthermore, if Bianca's ex-boyfriend and his mother are aware of this mission, but refuse to make themselves known, we must finally earn their trust.
This mission will not end until we find Bianca, she reads this website and my immigration proposal, and I ask her to become my wife. It will not end until I have directly offered to devote my life to her happiness and restore her ability to travel back and forth between the two countries as she pleases. It will not end until I insure that she never, EVER has to make such a terribly heart-wrenching, all-or-nothing decision like this again.
Jeff
"Family is important."
- Bianca, TWICE during her final week at the club.
- Bianca, TWICE during her final week at the club.
"They
[Bianca's family] love each other."
- Nadia
- Nadia
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